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Dating someone hot and cold

The hot phase is designed to get you in the gate that leads to the corral, where you'll later be harnessed. Then comes the "cold" phase. Your partner begins to pull away making you long for their previous attention. Whether initiated by a cold-shoulder, avoidance, or lack of communication This phase activates loss, making you yearn for them and wait with bated breath for their call or text.

Hot & Cold: Why They Pursue When You Distance — Susan Winter

You wonder what happened and begin to question every move you made. Without realizing it, you've submitted to their need for emotional and psychological control. These are the basic dance steps to this type of behavior. Each step is a phase, and each phase has a cycle. This formula is predictable and consistent even when your partner's reactions are not. Simply put, when you pull away, they'll re-engage you. When you advance, they'll pull away. After a cycle or two of this routine you'll be so confused you won't know which way to move. The pattern repeats itself for as long as you're willing to play this game.

The beautiful truth is that this has nothing to do with you. You're not at fault. There's nothing you did, or didn't do, that's causing this.

Don't let your friends analyze your situation and convince you otherwise. Just notice where you are in the cycle and don't let it disempower you. Understanding what comes next puts you back in control of your own reactions. There's a marked difference between a relationship hiccup and the game of hot and cold.


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Relationship hiccups occur because your partner is emotionally invested, but scared. There's open communication about their fear. Once stated, the hot phase normally reboots and continues with forward movement. A hot and cold player reverts to cold as the norm, with bursts of hot that don't result in forward movement.

The root cause of this behavior is a desperate attempt to gain control over the uncontrollable; love. It's a way to feel love without getting hurt. But the partner, who's committed to playing safe, will never allow himself or herself to experience love. They'll toy at it, dipping their toes in and out of the water without ever getting wet. The cycles of hot and cold may make you feel like the powerless one. It appears as though as though your partner has all the strength.

Why Men/Women Play Hot & Cold in Relationships – How to Defeat a Narcissist

But it's just the opposite -- real power is the ability to maintain intimacy. Power and strength of this caliber have no fear of being honest and direct. Games are an ego default when being "real" feels too scary. Authenticity takes tremendous courage. Being open and honest is a gift that's born of inner confidence and self-worth. Here's where the tables turn in your favor.

Once you recognize this pattern, you've already gained your freedom from the automatic response instigated by your partner's game. There's nothing to lose. Authentic communication reveals your partner's fears, allowing their concerns to be voiced and worked out while maintaining connection.

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Does your questioning meet hostility, defensiveness or resistance? If so, you've gained valuable information. This is a partner who's in the game for an ego boost and doesn't possess the skill set required for a relationship with you. Cut your losses and walk away.

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I hope this article helped you understand why some guys run hot and cold. At some point he starts to lose interest.

Why Men/Women Play Hot & Cold in Relationships

The answer to that will determine the fate of your relationship: Do you know how men determine if a woman is girlfriend material the type of woman he commits himself to or if he sees you as just a fling? If not you need to read this next: Is He Losing Interest? Dating , dating advice , relationship advice , relationships , understanding men , why guys pull away , why guys withdraw , why he's going hot and cold on you , why he's pulling away , why men run hot and cold.

Men have 10x more testosterone than women, and a daily cycle of high testosterone in the morning and low at night.

The higher the testosterone, the more the aggressive or direct behaviour, and then it goes low, and the confidence level drops. A daily roller coaster ride of emotion. I am done working around baby behaviour. As a guy, I admit I am this guy! But deep down I want a relationship and I do want to trust! When I talk to a girl I really like, I am really in pursuit of her.

But when she shows to be interested in me, I get this feeling she will dump me further on down the line.

The Real Truth About Why Some Men Run Hot And Cold

But I will pull back hard on her and I know I am wrong! In I fell in love with someone that I wanted to marry! That was the first time I ever fell in love with someone! I am 40 by the way, if that tells you something. Karma did catch up to me though she left me for her drug addict ex. Basically what I am saying here to watch out for the signs ladies.

If he pushes hard for a relationship at the beginning, something is off he is just trying to establish that you will not leave! But when you get close, he will drop You! Me personally, I will never ever date again or get into a relationship. I am better off alone. But apart of me wants that marriage and a family!